ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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