Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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