Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
