I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
