I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
