I can tuck mytits in my pants
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
