i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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