Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
