I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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