He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize