I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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