I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
