i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
