STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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