I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
