Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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