You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
