I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
