the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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