Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
