Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
