I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
