they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
