this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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