I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
