Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
