Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
