Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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