i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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