Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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