I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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