just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize