Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
