Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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