Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
