Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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