why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
