I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
