Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
