Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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