I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
