i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im six kinds of drunk right now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
