I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
