I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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