I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize