Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
