The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
