wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
