uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
