she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
