i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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