Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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