Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
