non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
