I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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