I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
