I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
