The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
