Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
