He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize