just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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