i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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